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Your Belt Buckle or Your Life

from Eight Animal Omelette by The Beastman Band

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lyrics

Your Belt Buckle or Your Life

I was hitchhiking down a long lonesome highway,
midwinter, on Minnesota 135.
I had to pass through the heart of those Embarrass mountains,
in the dead of winter, when few things can survive.

There was a glow that looked like the aurora borealis,
a band of colors on the skyline, ghostly green and white.
It wasn't the northern lights, but a bright sixteen wheeler,
pulling over to rescue me from the night.

The trucker opened the door, and I climbed inside.
His face was in shadow, but I could see that he was barely alive.
I shut the door, and a chill dropped down my spine.
And I knew I might not survive.

The first thing I noticed was the cab was covered in belt buckles,
dangling from the ceiling and mounted to the dash.
I saw buckles from every state except for Minnesota,
so I slipped mine into my pocket. I knew I had to do something fast.

"Now I saw you got a Minnesota belt buckle
I'll make you a deal, since I saved you from the cold.
this here's my knife -- your buckle or your life!
Or you'll end up my eternal cargo. I'm hauling lost souls!"

Now I knew this ghost trucker was not to be trusted,
'cause if he made this deal with every hitchhiker
who were those poor lost souls riding in the back?
He trapped 'em all, but still had every one of their belt buckles. I was doomed, and knew what I must do.

"Now I might not be a real cowboy
but that don't mean I can't serve up a plate of Jut Keen Do.
I've seen every Bruce Lee movie,
and I know just enough Kung Fuey
to handle myself with a dusty ghoul like you."

I punched the trucker and his skull started to crumble.
We mustled and we russled, there was a tussle for that buckle!
He was no match for the Praying Mantis.
I opened the door and flung him into the cold.

Now I don't know how to drive a sixteen wheeler,
on frozen roads with turns coming up fast and tight.
I quickly jackknifed on the ice of old Lake Vermillion.
The ice cracked like a gunshot and water started rushing in.

Those poor lost souls the trucker had been hauling,
were suddenly free as the ice tore open the truck.
They flew out like the arc of the covenant
and those spirits disappeared into the northern lights!

I put that bag of belt buckles over my shoulders.
Time to hoof it home.

credits

from Eight Animal Omelette, released September 24, 2011

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The Beastman Band Minneapolis, Minnesota

Danny Friedman
Scott Hatch
Noah Mass
Andrea Grey
Elizabeth Erdmann
Janel Hesch
Jason Keillor

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